So day 1 was today. I'm totally over reacting! This is NOT a big deal, but whatever...
Coming to the realization that I allowed people in the mental health profession put me on drugs for a ... condition?... I always thought was only for young boys of lazy parents who didn't want to feed their kids good food and get them out to play and expend some energy. Over the last few months I've come to the realization that I need to research something before I make opinions about it... we all live and learn.
I need to own this. Make it real. I've tried to a few times, but I'm rediculously fearful of the reaction of others. Which is odd considering how much I DO NOT CARE about other's reactions normally. Normally I say: don't like what I say, do... etc... you know where the "door" is but for some reason, probably my own thoughts being projected outwards, this time I'm a little leary of sharing.
Whatever. Like I said... just because you THINK you know something doesn't mean you do so ask questions do some research before you make any opinions. Trust me you save face in the long run lol
Anyway.. 3 different mental health people have labeled me ADHD and finally today they urged me to do meds for it as it will greatly help the behavioral therapy that will teach my brain to make the nuro... connections... that most people are born with. Basically we're gonna fill in the blanks! I have a lot of them it seems lol!
What happns in laymans terms... practically caveman terms as explained to me by the latest shrink:
The front part of your brain controls things like: organization, planning, focus, remembering stuff like apppointments etc, putting priorities in check, decyphering info and telling the other parts of the brain how to react etc.... that part of my brain is taking a nap. Chillin, eatin bon bons, smokin a doobie... whatever... so drugs like caffeine or ritalin, concerta, aderol... (sp?????) which are all just refined speed (except the caffiene. that's just caffeine) wake that part of the brain up and gets it working again. If someone who does not have ADHD takes these drugs they'll be like a normal person on speed. crazy hyper and GO GO GO GO GO AHHHH!!!!! If someone WITH ADHD takes them they calm down. They're able to sit and focus. They can prioritize their life: no this is NOT facebook time, no this is not veg out and read the same book 8 times time, no this is not sit and day dream while picking your nose time, this is GET YOUR HOMEWORK DONE time...etc.. you get the picture. They remember appointments like hey it's 230 go pick your kid up from school. They don't get distracted on the way to someones house and end up shopping at the mall totally forgeting they were on their way to someones house! They remember events. They don't space on commitments!!! They remember to pay bills on time. They are able to sit and study and get their homework done without it feeling like a torture session! They are able to level their moods and react correctly to various stimulous. Everything is NOT an OMG moment and other moments that ARE OMG moments are not to be dismissed. When kids take too long to get their shoes on it's ok it's not a reason to get upset... usually. When standing in a long line with nothing to do you're NOT gonna literally die of boredom. It's ok to have free time with nothing to do. Facebook will still be there tomorrow. You don't have to check it every 5 minutes!
Oh I could go on and on and on.
I'm nervous about being on any drug let alone SPEED! Wow, so I'm freaking out a bit. I'm happy, I'm not in a negative place, just a bit nervous of the unknown. I'm afraid this stuff will alter my personality. I'm relying on my friends to pay attention and to let me know if they are concerned.
I meet with my councelor next week and the prescribing physician in 2 weeks. I have to keep a journal... hence this message... and see how it goes.
To those who I've judged unfairly about ADHD diagnosis. I'm sorry! This is me with my tail between my legs and me eating my words. Lesson learned.
HOWEVER I still think it's over diagnosed and sometimes my original thoughts on kids labeled ADHD are correct! All 3 phychologist said the same! Cut the toxic food and get those kids outside to run off some steam!
Ok off my soap box.
Day 2 is tomorrow. First day on the drugs. I'm on Ritalin LA.
I'm a 32 yo woman on Ritalin.
...sigh...
First off, stop apologizing. You didn't do ANYTHING wrong. Going to the doctor and seeking help isn't wrong. Getting diagnosed (by three people!!!) isn't wrong. And if they diagnosed you with purple people eating disease you still don't have to apologize to anyone because no one else has to live with your brain but you!
ReplyDeleteYes, it is totally overdiagnosed and overtreated in children, but the more they research the more they find that 2/3 of these kids retain the same problems as adults and medication is only part of it. If my children show signs I will not medicate them. it's too risky with a child whose brain is still developing those pathways. You could be setting them up for drug addiction later on in life: example A is my recovering meth addicted brother.
My Mother and Father are both ADHD, therefore it's a pretty easy assumption that I am as well. Besides the fact that I competed with you on who read Twilight more. ;)
Your personality will not change, until you decide to make changes because you are feeling more capable. You will realize what is important to you and your family instead of what is exciting and new and keeps your attention for more than 2 minutes.
I had the same fear of drugs. I didn't want to even make the appointment with the dr. I spent two years talking to a naturopath to find other alternatives - none of which worked or I could stick with. It's hard to remember to take the supplements that are supposed to help.
Relax. I know that sounds impossible and condescending. I had Joe and my therapist tell me that yesterday and I wanted to strangle them both. They accused me of putting too much on myself and that I was the only one to remove it. Then they told me how to remove it from a non-adhd perspective. So I took to heart what they said (pissed off of course) then tried it. It didn't work the way they intended, but I realized that I was the only one making everything harder and that letting go was more important.
Homework is still here. Classes are still here. Moving/packing stress, girl scouts, karate, swimming lessons, etc still here. But today is day one of not freaking out about any of it. I am still in bed (because my lack of sleep has made me certifiable) and will have a full and busy day, but my only goal is to do what I can without stressing. It almost takes more work than to stress, but it's obviously more enjoyable.
I think it is fantastic and wonderful that you have been brave enough to seek the help you need, especially with as much as you have on your plate. ADHD is a gift in a way. Most people with ADHD are amazing creators (duh - look at your eye for art), charismatic, and intelligent. You are a poster child. ;)