how can i tell it wore off?
i'm a nervous worrying wreck.
there are 50 subjects all running through my head along with a song stuck in my head. just shut the hell up.
why can't they have a 24 hour dose of ritalin?
i need to be in bed asleep before this shit wears off.
mornings between 7 and 10 (between waking up and when i take my meds) i'm fine. i can handle life. yes, we're late to school almost everyday and yes i get impatient and cranky... but it works ok. i guess. idk if that description defines success but ... idk.
maybe working my grounding and centering back into practice can help me when the meds wear off... i'm thinking that's the key to my sanity....
speaking of that... which reminds me of where I learned those techniques... i neeeeed to get my spriritual beliefs figured out so I know what t to say to my kids. i just don't know anymore. none of it makes a damn bit of sense. i'm so fucking sick of christians. i can't clump myself in with them. i just cannot do it. some people call themselves "followers of the teachings of jesus christ" which is too effing long but sounds a hundred trillion times better... if i even believe in that whole gig anymore, which i don't think i do but idk idk idk.. seems to be my mantra tonight: IDK I DON'T FUCKING KNOW.
the anxious shaking ,I have always gotten when i stress or think tooooo intensly about something, is back... god why did i go on meds, now i can't handle being off of them. all this shit was part of my daily life for 32 years and after 5 days of vacation from "me" i can't handle being 'me' anymore. this sucks ass. i need to go to bed but with all the head chatter and that stupid song running in my head over and over and over i can't even think of trying to lay down.
but i'm gonna force the issue
good night.
i hope.
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