Just call me their new spokesperson! Do you hear that? It's quiet... and calm.... in my brain... is this how normal people are? Lucky bums!
One book described having ADHD and not being medicated as being in a store like Best Buy. Standing in the middle of the TV section with all the tv's blaring different stations. And you can't decide which is the important one to watch and while trying to watch one you're constantly being drawn to 8 or 20 others and OMG the noise! I so related to that description! I was sitting in a waiting room while reading it and I shouted "yes!" lol! The looks I got... goodness.. anyway. Yesterday... day 1 on the meds. It was like someone went and hit mute on all of the tv's and handed me a giant remote. There are still a hundred tv's on but I can now hit un-mute on any 1 TV I want and switch to different tv's at will.
It's so quiet.
I think the meds waxes and wanes cause at times I feel like a few tv's got un muted somehow but for the most part it's controlled by me now.
The burning NEEEEED to check things like Facebook and such every 5 minutes was muted. Still there but I could say no and not be stressed over it.
I played with my kids at the playground and had fun and didn't check my phone once. I wasn't bored. I didn't get bored pushing Oly in the swing for ever and a day.
I stayed in the kitchen and just waited for things to get done cooking... I didn't leave it sitting there on it's own while I went and checked facebook.
I stood and just watched the kids play at the playground and didn't check my phone ...
I can sustain an activity for longer periods of time without going "Damnit I don't want to do this!" My kitchen is pretty clean. I cleaned up allll the messes after my get-together today. Usually I only half ass do it then finish up the rest a day or 2 later when I get tired of looking at it.
I can't sit all day and get lost in the computer. My brain now reminds me that I have stuff to do.
Some deeply embeded habits are still hard but for the most part. I'm good. I'm calm. I'm normal... well... maybe not NORMAL but definitely not the flakey forgetful crazy girl I was before.
Concerns I do have:
1. OMG the crash that occurs when it wears off. It's like I'm just walking along doing my thing then BAM I run full speed into a brick wall and I'm dead from the neck down. I could barely move at 10pm last night. Didn't help that I ate crap for food and got one of my tummy aches (dumb me) but still. I'm concerned about that, but my plan is to be ready for bed by the time I know it will wear off. About 12-13 hours after taking the pill. So today I didn't take it till 10am so I wouldn't crash on my drive down to Portland...literally lol!
2. I love the calm and in control feeling this drug provides me. I have impulse control now. I can say no to things I don't need. I like that feeling. When this wears off I don't want to wait till the next day I want another pill THEN! lol! I'm worried about addiciton. I was warned about people who take it who are not ADHD who will get the "speed" effect of speed will get addicted, but since it calms me down there is no doubt of the ADHD diagnosis but I knew last night that it had wore off and I wanted to buy a ton of things on Amazon, go get cold stone and starbucks and I got grumpy with the kids. I don't like that. I like the drugged me. So I'm worried about addiction.
3. The slight roller coaster effect. Like I said, it seems to wax and wane. Imagine a crystal clear lake that perfectly reflects the trees and sky around it. That is me most of the day on ritalin but several times a day it feels like a slight breeze blows through and roughs up the water a bit before it dies down and the water goes still again. Again...like someone went and unmuted several of the TV's...
HOWEVER day 2 is so far a lot less rollercoastery... is that a word... so here's hopin...
gotta run
#3: I think this is your body adjusting to it. It will take about 1-2 weeks, and at that time, your body will finally be used to it. SO glad it is working for you. And glad you are looking at it as pros and cons. that's a good way to assess it. You sound like you may have found your temporary solution. I never took Ridalin, but when I took adoral, I did notice that it stopped working after a couple of months. They upped my dosage, and it worked for a couple more months. Then I had to get off of it for a few months to get it to work again. I never got addicted. I Was addicted to how well I could do stuff without being on it. And the Crash SUCKS!!! I HATED when I was off of it, because I just got REALLY REALLY hungry, and I was SO lethargic.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, good luck. I like the posts. Keep posting them to facebook. :-)
I've read lots of claims about Adderall doing that. I don't know how it compares longevity-wise with ritalin.
ReplyDeleteAgree that over time the crash will lessen and you will adapt. It gets easier. If you can prepare yourself for it and just lay around during it then you'll do much better. And BREATH!
What book were you reading? I want to read it! I've been listening to Driven to Distraction on audiobook and although it's interesting it's not giving me any tips. It's just giving case histories.
Reading this made me want to cry because I can so relate to the TV feeling! I used to say it was like having a bunch of ping pong balls all bouncing around in my head and that if I could just grab one I could get stuff done, but I was on a constant chase. Still am at times. And I've noticed I am starting to get back into the habit of obsessing, but only instead of losing myself in a book or knitting I'm putting unreal pressure on myself to get stuff done.
babbling now. Hugs!
WHY do I not get notified when someone comments. i had no idea...
ReplyDeletethe crashes are less physical now and just mental. the chattery chaos descends like dark annoying cloud.
the book was on amazon. i was on my iphone and it was an exerpt that i expanded on a bit. no clue what book, sorry.... :(
ok... i'm done typing. sorry.